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Many couples have mastered the art of reconciling after an argument and declaring their continued love for one another like nothing ever happened between them.
Sometimes, things don’t go so well after some fights and you may have to apply the 3 day rule after an argument. This leaves you with all the questions.
What do I say to my boyfriend after a fight? What is the 3 day relationship break all about, and how do I use it to my advantage?
Well, this article will give practical steps to navigating these challenging times in your relationship. By the time you’re done, you will understand what to do after an argument, so you can retain your precious relationship and prevent things from deteriorating out of hand.
Ready?
What is the 3 day rule after an argument?
The 3 day rule after argument is a common practice in relationships where individuals agree to take a 3 day relationship break from each other after a heated disagreement. During this time, both parties cool off, reflect on their feelings/thoughts, and avoid communication with each other.
Considering that almost 50% of relationships in America may end up in a split, knowing what to say after an argument with your boyfriend (or significant other, as a matter of fact) might even be considered a survival skill because these moments can make or break the relationship forever.
According to Psychologist Mert Şeker
The separations brought about by arguments can also be seen as trauma. In trauma, the sentences said after the argument or the negative behaviors exhibited can cause a stress disorder. Discourses in a relationship that ended with an argument can cause trauma and post-traumatic stress. This relationship may not be easy to return, as it will create further disorder. Therefore, our discourses during or after a discussion are decisive for the return of the relationship.
When you give him three days break, you allow time for feelings to settle down and for both to gain perspective before attempting to resolve the issue at hand.
If history is any indication, anything done in the heat of anger is mostly later regretted. This is why you must understand that applying the 3 day rule after a heated argument isn’t a sign of weakness. Contrary to what you might think, it is a display of immense strength.
It signifies that you want to work things out and you’re willing to give it a go when the adrenaline rush is past its peak moments.
Here’s the catch.
While the 3 day rule after an argument can be helpful in some situations, it isn’t always the only approach for everyone. Some individuals may find that they need more or less time to cool off, while others may prefer to resolve the issue instantly.
When the chips are down, the decision about how long to wait to talk after an argument is one that you must make on your own because there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to it.
Lastly, the effectiveness of the 3 day rule relationship break depends on the individualities involved and the specific circ*mstances of the argument.
Psychologist Şeker says
Conflict and problem solving skills are acquired at an early age. Parents have a great role in acquiring this skill. In addition, people with conflict and problem-solving skills have high communication skills. If you are solution-oriented and a master in communication, taking a 3-day break after discussing will likely pave the way for your relationship to continue in a healthy way.
It can be a helpful tool for couples who struggle with communication and conflict resolution, but it should be used with caution and only when both parties are in agreement.
10 steps to apply the 3 day rule after an argument in relationships
The 3 day rule argument can be a helpful practice for couples who want to take a break from each other to cool off, gain perspective, and avoid saying or doing things they might regret when they have calmed down.
However, it’s important to follow some rules as you apply this rule effectively, to ensure that it does not lead to further conflict or distance in the relationship.
Here are 10 ways to apply the 3 day relationship break after an argument.
1. Agree on the rule together
Before taking a space after a fight with your spouse, you need to make sure that you both agree to it. You can discuss the benefits of taking a break after a heated argument and decide on the duration of the rule that works best for you.
As far as this is concerned, you cannot alienate the place of effective communication from the success of this rule.
Related Reading: 30 Throuple Relationship Rules for Successful Relationship2. Take time apart
Once you’ve decided to give him 3 days (and you’ve both agreed on it), take time apart from each other. This means avoiding any form of communication, including texting, calling, or social media. Give each other space to cool off, recollect your emotions, and reflect on the argument.
Psychologist Şeker says
Perhaps the main reason for the issue you are discussing is the violation of your personal space in a relationship. Allowing yourself and your spouse 3 days of personal time can eliminate the problem that caused you to argue.
3. Focus on self-care
During the 3 day relationship break, concentrate on self-care activities that help you feel calm and relaxed. This could include exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends or family. By taking care of yourself, you will be better equipped to deal with the conflict when you come back together.
Here’s a suggested video on how to self-care for anxiety and depression symptoms. Have a look:
4. Reflect on your feelings
Use the time apart to reflect on your feelings and thoughts about the argument. Ask yourself why you replied in a certain way and what triggered your feelings. This will help you gain perspective and understand where your annoyance is coming from.
5. Identify the underlying issues
Frequently, arguments in relationships are symptoms of underlying issues that need to be addressed. Use the time apart to identify what those issues might be and think about how you can address them constructively.
6. Practice empathy
While reflecting on your feelings, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand their perspective. This will help you approach the situation with more empathy and understanding when the ‘no contact after argument’ period is over.
In addition, empathy will help you to know what to say after an argument with your boyfriend.
Related Reading: How to Build Empathy in Relationships7. Write down your thoughts
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a helpful way to reuse the argument and gain clarity. You can write a letter to your mate (that you may or may not give to them) or simply jot down your feelings in a journal.
This will also help you to know what to text your boyfriend after a fight.
Psychologist Şeker suggests
Writing a letter about your problems, keeping a diary, in short, making them concrete is one of the methods of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Doing such a concretization with your spouse after the discussion can be a very useful method for you to see the details you will usually forget.
8. Plan how to approach the discussion
Once the 3 days are over, plan how you want to approach the discussion with your partner. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. This will help you communicate more effectively and ensure that the break you took is worth it in the end.
9. Choose a good time and place to talk
When you are ready to have the discussion, choose a good time and place to talk. Avoid doing it when either of you is tired, empty, or distracted. Choose a private and quiet place where you can both feel comfortable and focused.
Fun fact, you can consider this a date and choose a magical location that reflects such.
10. Listen attentively
During the discussion, make sure to listen attentively to your partner’s perspective. Try to understand their point of view and avoid dismissing their feelings. You must consciously make your partner feel heard and validated.
The aim of this conversation is to find a result together, not to prove who is right or wrong.
Related Reading: 4 Tips to Be a Better Listener in a Relationship- Why It MattersWhy 3 days?
The duration of the 3 day rule after argument isn’t set in stone. It can vary, depending on the couple’s preferences and requirements.
However, three days are frequently considered a reasonable amount of time to take a break and gain perspective without letting the issue linger for too long.
It’s also a practical timeframe for couples who may have busy schedules or other commitments that may keep them from being able to hash out their differences within 3 days.
Lastly, the duration of the 3 day relationship break should be determined by what works best for both partners. This is why the entire process begins with having a heart-to-heart with your spouse.
At the end of that conversation, you may realize that you don’t need 3 days, or you may need more.
Why is giving your partner space important?
Taking space after a fight is important because it allows both of you to calm down, reflect on the situation, and define your next steps with accuracy. It also prevents you from saying or doing things you may regret a few days down the line.
When people are worried or angry, they frequently have heightened feelings that can cloud their judgment and lead them to act impulsively. By taking some time away from each other, partners can gain perspective and think more objectively about the argument.
This can help them approach the discussion with further empathy and understanding rather than acting with aggression.
In addition, giving your spouse space shows respect for their boundaries and feelings. It allows them to take charge of their feelings and decide to hash things out when they’re calmer.
Eventually, giving each other space can boost trust and closeness in the relationship, as both mates feel heard and admired.
When should you not use the 3 day rule?
While having no contact after an argument can be a useful tool for numerous couples, there are situations where it may not be entirely effective. There are some cases when you may want to avoid using the 3 day rule after argument.
1. In cases of abuse
Considering the effects of abuse on mental and physical health, taking a break from communication can be dangerous if there are cases of abuse attached. It’s important to seek help ASAP in these situations.
Related Reading: 8 Different Types of Abuse in a Relationship2. If the issue is time-sensitive
If the issue requires immediate attention (for example, someone’s life is on the line), 3 days could be a long time. Consider trashing things out as soon as possible.
3. If the rule is being used as a way to avoid conflict
Some couples may use the 3 day rule as a way to avoid addressing the elephant in the room. This can produce a pattern of avoidance and distance that’s dangerous to the relationship.
Related Reading: The Challenge of Conflict Avoidance in Relationships4. If both partners are not willing to participate
Everyone needs to be willing to take a break from communication for this to work. If both are unwilling to participate, the 3 day rule may not be effective.
However, if one person isn’t on board with the idea at first, what they may need is a little prodding.
Frequently asked questions
Here are some commonly asked questions about the 3 day rule after argument and how it works. Keep reading to gain some more insight into this conflict-solving method.
Are 3 days of no contact enough?
The length of time required for the three-day rule to be effective varies. Three days may be enough for some couples to calm down, get perspective, and address the situation with a clear head.
Others might require more or less time to analyze their feelings.
Finally, the duration of the rule should be set by you. Have a conversation with your partner and decide the best line of action for your unique situation.
How long should you give someone space after an argument?
The length of time required to give someone space following an argument is determined by the persons involved, the severity of the disagreement, and the unique scenario.
In certain circ*mstances, a few hours may be sufficient for both spouses to cool down and revisit the issue. In other circ*mstances, it may take several days, if not weeks, for both partners to feel ready to communicate properly.
After a disagreement, both parties must convey their space requirements and preferences, as well as select a schedule that works for both of them.
Create a healthier space around you
The ‘3 day rule after argument’ is a guideline designed to help couples work through an argument and make amends following a quarrel.
You utilize it to give yourself time to relax and think about what transpired and define your next steps immediately. If this rule is applied well, it will also teach you what to say after an argument with your boyfriend or spouse.
The rule assists couples in resolving disagreements and ensuring the health of their relationship.
You can avoid making hasty decisions after a conflict by adhering to the ‘3 days of no contact after argument’ rule.
The rule, however, is not always useful. In some circ*mstances, time simply isn’t enough to fix your problems. This is why we strongly advise attending relationship counseling or hiring a coach to help you work things out if you need external help.
